


Can't Pretend

by bekoko



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Christmas Lights, Coming Out, Damn you Kevin, M/M, Mutual Pining, Riku is a disaster gay, lots of lights, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:27:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21928222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bekoko/pseuds/bekoko
Summary: This Christmas, Riku thinks it’s time to tell Sora how he feels.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Can't Pretend

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Could a Depressed Man do THIS

When Riku met Sora, he felt his whole world turn upside down.

At the time, he had just come to the conclusion that he liked boys. Boys like Sora, with shimmering blue eyes and chestnut hair that spiked in every which way. Boys that had slightly tanned skin and the smallest moles under their eyes. Boys that had a lop-sided grin and had a voice that cheered him up instantly the moment he had introduced himself. Boys that scrunched their brows in confusion when they didn’t get an answer to their question.

Riku had felt his face flush in embarrassment when he realized Sora had a hand outstretched for him to hold. A hand he was currently not shaking.

“Riku,” he muttered back to the other and gave him a cursory shake of hands before they shuffled into the orientation hall. Sora had motioned for Riku to set next to him, and with sweaty hands he nodded and sat. Riku felt his heart hammering in his ears the whole time their knees had been touching.

After the orientation, they had the freedom to explore the campus. Riku was going to sit by the freshman building but Sora had given him a pleading look and well, he couldn’t say no. Soon after, they found themselves taking cover by the student building as a tremendous downpour was suddenly falling.

“Well, that’s the pacific northwest for ya!” Sora laughed. They both had their jackets over their heads, covering what they could of their hair but with not much success. Riku smiled back at him.

“Right…” Riku agreed, “but you know, It’s different from back home,”

And that’s how Riku learned that Sora and he were both from coastal towns. Of how Sora loved the beach, and the sand and the sun. Of his mother and father, and how he loved to ride his bike by the shore. He learned he loved his life there but had still decided to move far away from sheer wanderlust after High School. And Sora had looked at him then and apologized for rambling and tugged him onwards.

Riku had learned he had a new friend.

Soon the day had ended, and it was time to return home. Sora had given Riku a hug, exchanged numbers and had parted ways with a promise to keep in touch. Despite the pitter-patter of his heart at the mere thought of it, and desperately wanting to, Riku hadn’t reached out all summer. But he thinks of the wonderful boy he had met every day. He probably wouldn’t meet him again at such a big university, but just meeting him had felt like enough. He told himself it would be enough.

Until they happened to meet up again.

Sora had waved from where he stood, surrounded by a group of other students with excited grins on their faces. He did a light jog towards him and pouted.

“You didn’t reach out all summer!” Sora spoke with no malice in his voice, but Riku could tell he seemed worried, nervous even.

“Sorry, just got busy,” Riku looked at his feet. A looming silence overtook them, so he continued without looking up, “I missed you,”

After a moment, he feels a light punch to his shoulder and takes that as a cue to meet Sora’s eyes. He sees the other smile. That seems to have quelled whatever had been troubling him.

“Missed you too,”

Nothing seemed to be able to separate them after that. They would hang out after class, meet up for lunch, and have study sessions together. They learned more about each other and fell into a natural friendship Riku was grateful for. He learned more about Sora with each passing day. The way he liked his sandwiches, toasted but with no mayonnaise, the way he slept on his side with sheets tangled between his legs, the fact that he hated math but was still good at it. All these little things become the one thing Riku cherished and pushed him through that god awful first year.

Sora had made it bearable. More than bearable. He was a pillar of support he didn’t know he needed. It all felt like a dream, he had his best friend through it all and he wouldn’t change a thing. It was almost enough for Riku to forget about his unnecessary crush. Almost.

It all changed that fateful night their second year. Before then, it all seemed so simple. It was just a simple question. Really, he should’ve been surprised it took so long.

“Riku… do you have a girlfriend?”

“What?” Riku sputtered comically.

“I was just wondering… there’s a girl in my class who always asks about you and today she asked if you were single and I realized… I didn’t know,”  
Riku hummed in response trying his best to not let his nerves show in his posture. He had gotten good at hiding what he was feeling.

“So, are you?”

“Am I what?”

“Single,”

“Oh I ...”

“You’re not?” Sora’s voice rose and cracked at the end of it.

“What? No! I am! I just-“Riku sighed and brought a hand to his face. “I can’t believe we’re actually talking about this,”

“Why not? We’re best friends, aren’t we?”

“It’s not about that,”

“I’m just asking if you have a girlfriend,” Sora muttered.

Riku felt his heart in his ears again. He felt his entire face turn red hot and his hands sweaty. He didn’t have to say anything, it could be a simple no and be left at that. But this was _Sora_ , his best friend, and he wanted to be honest about who he was. It wasn’t like he was hiding it before it had just never come up. There wasn’t a need. But if he was being honest with himself, there was a fear. The fear was always there, bubbling below the surface, of what he would think, what he would say. Would he end their friendship then and there? Would he never see him again? He didn’t want that. But what if he continued to keep it a secret? Would this wall he had built last forever and slowly cause them to drift apart? The thought of it made his heart sink. He didn’t want that either.

“No I don’t Sora, I-” Riku held his breath and looked away.

“I-I don’t like girls,”

He chose to be honest.

Sora was quiet for a moment and Riku felt a chill run down his spine. Just as he was about to start rambling his apologies, he could hear a sigh of relief.

“That’s it?”

Riku stopped for a moment. Open and closed his mouth in silent thought. Could it truly have been that easy? Then again, this was _Sora_ of all people. Caring, considerate and supportive Sora. He couldn’t help the grin that spread his face, the _relief_ that washed over him. “Oh yeah? What did you think I was gonna say?”

“Frankly, I don’t know, I just thought it’d be bad,” Sora smiled back. Riku was ready to let his heart rest after the stress he had just put it under, but then he noticed Sora’s smile slowly disappear. A tight line replaced it, and his cheeks took to a warm shade of pink. Sora scratched the back of his head and Riku gave a confused look.

“Sora? Is something wrong?” He shook his head and made a waving motion with his hands. 

“I guess…I was just wondering... if there’s anyone you do like?” He asked a bit shyly. Riku takes a moment to think then slowly, ever so slowly speaks.

“I… yeah... actually there is,” Riku finds himself admitting. Maybe he could say it all. Right here and now. Sora seems fully alert now and equally red faced.

“Really? Who?”

“I-never mind,” Riku pulls his shirt to cover his reddening face. Maybe he wasn’t quite ready to admit it. 

“Come on Riku!” Sora whines and then yells out, “If-if you tell me I promise I’ll tell you who I like!”

Riku tenses at that. 

“Okay…” He hesitates, “...but you go first,” his curiosity getting the better of him.

“No way I asked first!” Riku sees the way Sora pouts, the way his hair frames his face perfectly. He loves to see him pout. It’s cute. He sees the way his reddened cheeks puff, and his piercing blue gaze looks unwavering at him. He loves him. 

“I-,” Riku feels the weight of what he’s doing hit him. He loves Sora. More than anything in the world. But he loves their friendship more.  
Not wanting this banter to change Riku sucks it up and yells, “Kevin! I like Kevin,”

“Kevin…” Sora says slowly,

“From… you know… class?” Riku tries his hardest to sound believable. He doesn’t even know a Kevin.

Sora gives a pensive look and opens his mouth as if to say something but then returns to scrunching his brows and pouting his lips.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Who do you like,”

Sora lets out a sheepish grin, “About that…”

“Oh, come on!”

They had laughed after that and continued on with their night. Things had changed, but for the better. _Riku_ felt better. Lighter even. At the very least he didn’t have to hide a part of himself anymore. He was content with this finally. He wouldn’t tell Sora how he felt, but he knew he accepted him for who he was, and that would be enough.

However, he soon realized it wouldn’t be. 

Riku remembers that night vividly. It was a night like any other; they had bought snacks, decided on a movie, and were curled up in front of Sora’s laptop laughing and making remarks he no longer remembers. The movie was simple enough, some romcom with no memorable cast or story. It was a night like any other, until Sora spoke almost too quietly.

“I like guys too,”

There was silence in the room. Riku felt like he just heard something he wasn’t supposed to. If Sora liked boys, could he? No, Riku thought, there was no way. Just because Sora liked guys it didn’t mean Sora liked _him_. How self-centered could he get? He was just his friend, his best friend and that’s all they ever would be, Riku had told himself time and time again that he was content with that, he-

“Riku?”

He stopped his thinking. 

“Sorry I…” Riku looked to Sora, he seemed so small next to him, his arms wrapped around his knees and his face propped atop of them. His usual smile was gone, instead, replaced by a quivering lip. This wasn’t about him. 

“Thank you,” Riku reached out to hug his best friend, “for telling me,” 

He felt Sora’s arms encircle their way around his neck and hold him tightly, as if afraid he’d be let go. Riku held on tighter. 

“I don’t know why I was so nervous,” Sora says finally, into Riku’s shirt. He hums at that. 

“It’s not like I like guys too or anything,” He mumbled out. Sora let out a laugh. 

“I guess… I just didn’t know what you’d say,” Sora mused, “In the end I just didn’t want to keep it a secret anymore,”

Riku nods, “I felt the same way,” 

They talked a little after that, hearts a little fuller and a tad bit lighter. Sora about his first crush on a classmate, Riku’s on a café barista downtown. Countless little stories of experiences, both old and new, but at the end of it all, of feeling lost, uncertain, and fearful of what they felt. At least, they had in the beginning. But it was different now. They talked of finding friendship, love and support, of feeling proud of who they were and at the end of it all, they talked about how grateful they were for the other. 

“Cut it out, I’m not a total sap like you,” Riku punches Sora’s shoulder lightly but feels his heart soar. Sora cared for him, it might not be the same way, but he was fine with that. They had always been equals, but now it felt like they truly stood on the same ground. 

Sora let out a full-blown toothy grin and throws his hands up, above his head. “I feel so much better! Thanks, Riku!”

Riku was fine with this. More than fine. He was so fine and filled with so much joy that he wanted to grasp his best friend by each side of his face and press his lips to his. Just once. Or maybe twice. 

“You’re a great friend, you know that?” Sora gave him the warmest smile he had ever seen.  
Riku felt himself tense. His imagination took the best of him. He swallowed thickly and felt his hands instinctively clench. A habit he had formed as a child, one he found himself falling back into.

“What are friends for?” he had replied silently, ignoring the slight twinge in his chest when he had said that, the guilt of his running imagination plaguing him. _He was fine_ , he told himself. He wouldn’t let this silly crush ruin their friendship. Not after the progress they just made. He glanced over at Sora, who was busy changing the movie. He noticed the way his cheeks held the slightest red tinge to them, from his nose all the way up to his ears. The way his lips gave way to a perfect, giddy smile. 

Oh, he was so, so, _so_ helplessly in love.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!  
> chapter 2 should be up in a day or two.. hopefully... let's hope for a christmas miracle...


End file.
